I read and was shocked with the details but mostly about one little boy and what he went through...but that wasnt what changed me...
Most of the children got help....but not the little boy, and it occurred to me that our history repeats and abused kids are likely to repeat as adults... and...ultimately...when this little boy was older nd likely abusing...he was accountable but he had a reason he was doing it...not justified, but reasons dont need to be justified..
They just 'are'
With this in mind I started to see the separation of accountability and reason. Most people get them mixed together and claim the all too often heard. "childhood abuse is just an excuse'
No...Its a reason and thats totally different from being accountable for ones actions...
Commit an offence and pay your dues...thats accountability...
Understand why it happened and try to make a difference to stop it is the 'reason'
With this in mind I decided I had what it would take to deal with 'offenders' without anger getting in the way...
They were that 'little boy' that were treated horrendously and left to grow up with no help. Accountable for their actions but the reason needed to be understood to try to make a difference for future abuse
.
I applied to John Howard Society which deals with male ofenders and had it arranged to do prison visits. Unfortunately it was a commitment...they needed routine and commitment and with my two little ones I was not able to do it.
Similarly, I applied to a young offenders half way house and was accepted, but was unable to commit.
I took a 'Distress Line' course and discovered that out of the 20 students, I was the ONLY one that didnt have 'issues' It was at that point that I realised that there are two polarisations....
Those that have been through abuse and follow it because its what they are familiar with and have knowledge....and someone like me who had the freedom to understand and hopefully make a difference because I had no 'hang ups' that would hold me back. The old saying, 'You can only go as far as far as you havent 'been' yourself. Unfinished business prevents you from 'going there' to help others.
I loved the course but was shocked when we did one exercise.
We were separated into 4 groups and asked to draw a picture of your dinner table from when you were 12, and to place everyone around the table according to where they sat and give them a colour.
My pic relied on perspective and careful shading of each person round my table making it look as attractive as possible....an artistic masterpiece
One by one she asked everyone to descibe the table and why we had chosen the colours etc.
One chap...stopped....couldn't speak...ran out the door and didn't come back.
Recalling his family dinner and giving each person a colour was too traumatic for him and it became apparent that others felt the same. I was shocked...but could see that childhood experiencs actually have more impact on us than we realise.
The chap next to me was in his 20's and was currently going through a court case with his dad...for abuse when he was a child...he had finally found the courage to do it.
I did the Distress Line for a while but once again with the two kids I just couldnt commit the time. I tried overnight but I was in the basement alone in this big old 'house' downtown Brampton (secret location). I couldn't use the computer and I kept getting sex callers...lol so gave that up as a bad job.
I had to do something with my new found 'understanding' so wanted to pursue to confirm my thoughts...
Not all kids that were abused turned into abusers...but...
Kids that were physically abused turned into Physical abusers..
Kids that were sexually abused turned into Sexual abusers..
Kids with domineering mothers had a tendency towards rape...
No computers yet... Where to get that info?
I called Statistics Canada...nothing...
I called some cops I knew and they didnt know but directed me to (Cindy Lent?) the criminal profiler for Canada..
She was inspired by my thoughts, but knew of nothing to help me and asked me to let her know if I ever did find anything! Little old me at my kitchen table being asked by the Criminal Profiler of Canada for info!
Well....only one place left... FBI Quantico... I called and asked to speak to the profiler..
He was really helpful and confirmed my thoughts..telling me that the reason there wasn't statistics on it was because it could only be done with those found guilty and their answers to their 'childhood' would be warped by their 'normal' as well as by their effort for parole.
He said there was a study of 2,000 that did show what I was questioning but it was just within FBI.
He was absolutely helpful and told me he would send me some FBI articles and did so by Courier the next day! An inch or more high of FBI articles and studies!
Shortly after I was watching a 'Cop' show on TV and saw the name of an FBI bloke so decided to write it down and add to my list...I discovered it was the chap I had spoken to on the phone!
It was John Douglas...the criminal profiler that had helped catch the green river killer, hence it was featured on the show. He had just written a book called 'Mindhunter' and as it was not yet in paperback and $30 I decided to go read the last page at the bookstore....
It told me everything I needed to know...
Not all people with an unhappy childhood become offenders....but none of the offenders had a happy childhood...
Around that time I heard an issue with young offenders in Parliament so decided to call the Justice Minister - the Solicitor General...Bob Horner. The conservative member in Mississauga near me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Horner
He was really receptive to my thoughts and at the next sitting, he got up to speak and was saying the same stuff we had been discussing...to sum it up I remember him using the expression 'You cant see the forest for the trees''
At that point he asked me if I would consider serving on the Canadian Justice Comittee which was made up of members of the public. Well....pretty exciting... However, there was an election coming up. He had been in office for 9 years and it was just a formality, so he asked me to wait until after the elections.
It was a historic election in October 1993 where the Conservatives lost all but 2 of their 156 seats to the liberals.
Bob Horner was no longer Justice Minister and I no longer had the chance to serve on the Jusice Committee.
Probably just as well as shortly after that, my mum called me to tell me she had gone 'blind' and wouldn't be able to look after the kids that day. She had a mini stroke and life changed for us from that day on...
Focusing on anything was no longer an option...I had more important things to do...
She died two years later
http://www.nytimes.com/1990/01/15/arts/review-television-unspeakable-acts-sex-abuse-in-day-care.html
http://www.amazon.com/Unspeakable-Acts-Jill-Clayburgh/dp/B00MQNOV6I
